Howard spends evenings delivering orders
At models of battles once fought over borders.
The stars of past wars appear in his daydreams.
They treasure his brilliant escapes and his schemes.

Admiral Nelson admires his swift mind.
Napoleon says, "We are one of a kind."
Monty consults him on matters of stealth.
Rommel will raise a wine glass to his health.

But soon they get bored of his war fantasies.
Their compliments cease and they don't want to please
The daydreams' director. This breakaway faction
Insist that he drops them from his mental action.

Howard refuses. He tells them they're trapped.
They're prisoners now and their future is mapped.
They'll stay in his mind and they'll gladly take part
In make-believe battles where death is the art.

The military men are unhappy with him.
They tell him his future is sure to be grim.
That night in a dream they are smiling with menace.
Their armies will soon use his head to play tennis.

Nelson, Napoleon, Monty and Rommel
Use soldiers on camels. He tells them his mom'll
Chase them away with a black frying pan,
But she's on a camel and so is his gran.

They chase him through deserts. He gets to the sea.
He sees an old ship and a good chance to flee.
But all of its cannon are aimed at his head.
Before they destroy him he wakes up in bed.

He can't sleep again. He fears this nightmare.
It's worse than the one with the drunk Yogi Bear.
Yogi was violent. He broke a pint glass,
And cried uncontrollably at Christmas mass.

Later that morning he goes to see Joan,
Who lives by herself but she's never alone.
She has mental actors performing her plays,
As well as some critics who only give praise.

But sometimes in dreams all the actors unite.
They write their own lines and they frequently fight.
The critics will damn her with scathing reviews
Of her writing skills and her favourite shoes.

To make sure her actors and critics remain
On their best behaviour at night in her brain
She tries to bring beauty to her waking hours.
She talks to the birds and she listens to flowers.

That's why she takes Howard to meet with her friends
Who have conversations each day with the winds.
They sit around fires and they sing about peace.
Their pets include chickens and pumpkins and geese.

When Howard is there they are hugging a bee.
They take off their clothes and sing songs to a tree
Where they've made a swing with some rope and a tyre.
They fly paper fighter planes into a fire.

At night in his dreams the attack recommences,
And this time he's trapped behind sharp barb wire fences.
All he has left is a blunt rusty blade,
But thousands of hippies now come to his aid.

Each time they shoot at their foe they say 'oops'.
Their huge paper planes carry hundreds of troops.
The flag of surrender is soon waved by Nelson,
And everyone dances just like Boris Yeltsin.