Leonard was acknowledged as
  A truly splendid grouch.
He practised his appalling leer
  In tandem with his slouch.

He thrived in finding minor faults
  And forming long complaints.
He'd talk until the sun's descent
  About the sins of saints.

He did his best to irritate
  And trigger indignation.
His skill at instigating fights
  Took years of education.

He mingled with distinguished staff
  At college in Antwerp,
Where lecturers encouraged him
  To loudly belch and burp,

And slurp his soup in restaurants
  To anger other diners,
Agitating adults there
  And entertaining minors.

These fledgling young curmudgeons would
  Begin to bloom and burgeon.
They'd marvel at the mess he made
  As he devoured his sturgeon.

For many years he took great pride
  In all his churlish labours.
But he grew bored with being shunned
  By relatives and neighbours.

He undertook a PhD
  In charm and being nice.
His tutor watered potted plants
  While singing 'Edelweiss'.

Leonard learnt to stand up straight
  When walking down the streets.
He smiles and waves or doffs his hat
  At everyone he meets.

He studied how to be a source
  Of solace and of peace.
At first his neighbours sensed a wolf
  Beneath his snow-white fleece.

But now they see a little lamb
  Whose tender heart is big,
Until he starts to eat and he
  Reminds them of a pig.