Look at Jane,
She's so poor,
She can't afford to buy a hat.
Her shoes are older than her cat.

Hello Alan.
He's quite rich,
His safe is full of jewels and money.
His ducks eat caviar and honey.

Meeting in the afternoon,
A smile and 'how d' you do?'.
Feeling quite a lot of things
And most of them are new.

A walk in the sun,
Long grass and wild flowers.
The shade of a tree,
Talking for hours.

Dressing up a scarecrow
In a better set of clothes.
A brand new pair of shoes
And a smile beneath his nose.

Alan and Jane, sitting in a tree,
K I who? hm, yes I, who?
Now she laughs at hats and shoes
And film footage on the news
Of things in trees
Cough birds blank bees,
And no one knows her,
No one will,
Until they recognise her knees.

High up in the sky with
  The clouds and the birds.
An hour-long flying lesson
  In a light airplane.
When I went a bit too low,
  The pilot used the words
'Power' and 'line' and
  'Absence of a brain'.

He said, "Why don't we let
  The bear have a go?"
"Because I'm the one who's paying,
  And not the grizzly bear."
But the bear looked very angry
  He wouldn't take a 'no'.
So I let him have a go,
  Even though it wasn't fair.

The bear took control,
  And he could really fly.
But when he saw a field of beehives
  On the ground down below,
He flew around in circles
  And made me think we'd die.
From the field to the plane
  Was just a short stone's throw.

The pilot said to him,
  "Forget about the bees.
"At the airport there's a room
  With very many jars of honey."
But the bear just ignored
  All the pilot's pleas.
And he didn't seem to care
  About the wasting of my money.

The pilot pointed back
  To the tranquiliser gun.
I quietly picked it up
  And aimed it at the bear.
But he looked back at me before
  The job in hand was done.
"I'm trying to shoot the cow
  In the field over there."

He turned around again
  And I shot him in the back.
The bear fell forward,
  Then a brief nose dive.
But the pilot took control
  And we were back on track.
The bear was sound asleep
  But very much alive.

We landed on the ground.
  The grizzly bear was snoring.
With the smell of honey
  He was starting to come round.
My lesson in the airplane
  Was anything but boring.
Waiting for the next time
  Takes ages on the ground.

The pubs always close on Good Friday every year.
Joe decides to use the time to visit Auntie May.
There's always a chance she'll offer whiskey or a beer.
When you stand near Uncle Alan, drink is never far away.

May is very glad to see her nephew and his wife.
She takes them inside and makes a pot of tea.
She brings out a cake that she cuts with a knife.
But there's nothing alcoholic, as far as Joe can see.

She talks about the weather and the way they did her hair,
And the day she spilled the glass of apple juice.
Joe starts to measure time in portions of a year.
Till she says, "Would ye like to see our goose?"

They go outside to the back of the shed,
To the straw where a little goose lies.
She wakes him up and he raises his head.
He looks all around him in surprise.

She says to the goose, "Say hello to Joe and Jane."
The goose looks up. He doesn't seem to know
What she's trying to say so she tries to make it plain.
She says very slowly, "Say hello to your Uncle Joe.

"Say hello, Roadrunner. Say hello to your friends."
She's still saying that after quarter of an hour.
The goose stares back and Joe now tends
To stare at the goose in what looks like a glower.

He says to himself, "Not only have they
"Forgotten to offer us a drink of any kind,
"They introduce us to a very stupid goose who'll stay
"Sitting on the straw with nothing in his mind."

When she gives up on the goose, she thinks of the dog.
She takes them to the kennel near the shed.
She wakes him up, but he's as still as a log.
"Say hello, Coyote." He raises his head.

The dog just looks back when she says, "Say hello."
She tries it again. Not a word will he say.
And then she says, "Look, it's Roadrunner. Oh no!"
She points to the goose just a few yards away.

He looks at the goose, who just looks back.
"Oh no, Roadrunner. Coyote can see you!"
She seems to be waiting for the dog to attack
But falling asleep is all that they do.

Alan comes out. He walks with great care.
He looks all around him, moving his hands.
"It's red," he says, with a smile and a stare.
A strong smell of drink from the spot where he stands.

"We really should be going," Joe says to his aunt.
"Will ye have more tea? We've loads of time till mass."
Joe says they'd love to stay, but they really can't.
They walk towards the car past the anvil in the grass.

Red front door, welcome mat.
Showing people 'round the place.
Yes, that thing is meant to do that.
Move along now, quickish pace.

There's the floor and there's the ceiling.
In the hall is where we are then.
In the kitchen, peaceful feeling.
Moving on to the back garden.

And that's a shed and that's a bee.
And there's the shed, already said.
And Wonder Woman near the tree,
With a squirrel, and that's a shed.

The asking price, five hundred grand.
But that includes the shed as well.
"We'll take it." Smile and shake a hand.
A small bit extra for the doorbell.

On his way towards the door,
His sister's teddy bear is there
By the sofa on the floor.
He trips and falls, blood in his hair.

It seems that everyone he knows
Hears about his fall from grace.
Everywhere that Daniel goes
People ask about his face.

Hours of this and then he snaps
When someone asks about his fall,
And wonders if he's using maps
To make it safely to the hall.

Daniel holds onto his coat
And pulls this fellow close to him,
Says, "There's one thing you should note.
"I'll say it slowly 'cause you're dim.

"You've got your details wrong again.
"I never tripped or fell at all.
"I burnt a TV in a bin.
"There was no teddy bear or fall."

Daniel got onto his moped,
Tried to leave without delay.
He crashed, but this time saved his head,
At a lamp post, three feet away.

He wasn't hurt. His biggest fear
Was people talking in this town.
"The story for what happened here
"Is that I burnt a lighthouse down."