Her headlock in hockey was feared and dreaded.
A trail of misfortune wherever she treaded,
Or trod on or kicked at or beat light of day
Out of dazed players. She bull-dozed her way.

On all fields of play she was dreaded and feared.
On her school photo her friend drew a beard.
Their friendship came close to a premature end
When she drew a beard on the face of her friend.

But now ten years later she's quieter than water.
She shares a warm laughter with those who once fought her.
And there's not a thought in her head of attack.
Her whole world is white, where once it was black.

She wears dungarees and she sees only beauty.
To be open-minded she feels a strong duty.
She doesn't mind when they say she's a phony.
She says she aspires to be like her Aunt Nonie,

Who lives with a smile and a laugh in her voice.
It's there on her face not by force but by choice.
Nonie's advice to her niece is that life
Is for living and giving and laughing at strife.

And always forgiving the ones who make fun
Of the clothes that you wear or the way that you run.
Ingrid remembers these words every day.
At times there's a twitch in her eye when you say

That hedgehogs can kill a small horse or a cow.
She'll smile and very politely ask how.
And if you respond, "They just can. It's a fact."
You might very well then be gently attacked.

Or you might be hit on the head with a shoe.
And then hear the words 'I'll effing kill you'.
Just say you're sorry. Admit you were wrong.
Or else you'll regret it before very long.

So don't mention hedgehogs and what they can kill,
Or how long it takes them to roll down the hill.
At the very least wait until Ingrid is gone.
And don't say Hulk Hogan could beat Elton John.