Brenda was on course to keep
  Her seat in parliament,
Despite her lack of posters
  And the pittance that she spent

On portraying a new image.
  She frightened little children.
They thought she had a cauldron.
  She was confident she'd still win.

She never could make promises
  To win the floating votes,
To say she'll push for tax cuts,
  Pay their bills and buy them boats.

She'd only bring misfortune
  With her evil witch's broom,
And a pin to burst the bubble
  Of our economic boom.

But she had a little puppy
  Who was permanently happy,
And he seemed to have the character
  Of Scooby's nephew Scrappy.

In the way the little puppy walked
  And looked he seemed so brave.
He could be fun and playful,
  But when called for he'd be grave.

He was never disconcerted
  By commotions caused by dogs,
Retaining his composure
  In a storm or plague of frogs.

He was always catching criminals
  Who pose as ghosts and hide,
Pretending to be disaffected
  Relatives who've died.

When he wasn't reading hymnals
  He was humming happy music.
No one could accuse this dog
  Of doing Scooby Doo's trick

Of hiding at the merest hint
  Of danger in the air,
And staying undercover
  Till it seemed the coast was clear.

She dressed him up as characters
  From Enid Blyton books,
Attracting the electorate
  With puppy's friendly looks.

And Beatrix Potter too --
  He loved to dress as her,
Despite some slight misgivings
  That he felt on wearing fur.

All of the opinion polls
  Had put her in the lead.
She said that to these figures
  She had never paid much heed.

But she started to pay heed
  When her healthy lead diminished,
Renewing public interest
  In a race that had looked finished.

Her rival candidate
  Made all the promises she hated.
He said he'd buy them boats,
  And his poll ratings inflated.

He always had a smile,
  Perfect teeth, a year 'round tan.
He was tall and handsome
  And he smelled just like a man

Who took great care to smell
  Like a man who took great care
To ensure that his appearance
  Was as perfect as his hair.

But a scandal broke and he was faced
  With trial in media courts.
He made this public statement
  In response to press reports:

"What Batman does in Kathmandu
  Is no one's business but his own.
Conversations with the Chief
  Remain confined to his red phone.

"If Robin keeps a rabbit
  Out of habit or a pet.
Details are entirely
  Between Robin and his vet.

"What Batman did in Amsterdam
  And hid with his unlikely tale
Should never see the light of day.
  Events like these should be like braille,

"Where people feel in fingertips
  There's something going on beneath
The story told in interviews,
  Something eyes should never meet.

"They should be blind to images,
  So valued by the press,
Of people in alternative
  Surprising states of dress.

"Should Spiderman decide to run
  For some elected post,
He shouldn't be confronted
  With a skeleton or ghost

"From the past when he was young
  And prone to gender-based mistakes,
When he couldn't tell the real ones
  From those two implanted fakes.

"And likewise with these photos
  From our burning summer nights.
Where I'm seen without a shirt on
  And, like Batman, wearing tights.

"People should ignore them.
  Erase them from your mind.
And don't construct the image
  With your mind's eye if you're blind."

With his superhero looks
  And charisma overflowing,
The scandal was forgiven
  And his ratings kept on growing.

Brenda had to put a lot
  Of work into campaigning,
Canvassing and listening
  To constituents complaining.

She promised boats and tax cuts,
  And roads and trains and money.
She dressed the puppy as a bear
  Who'd found a jar of honey.

Thanks to our great system
  Of proportional representation.
Both were deemed elected
  To the Dáil to serve the nation.

Their parties got together
  And they formed a coalition.
They found themselves in government.
  They shared a common mission.

Sadly, aims of boats and trains
  Were swiftly put on hold,
In favour of a fool-proof plan
  To manufacture gold.