Darren sells things from his van,
  His mobile multi-purpose shop.
People go to him to buy
  A record player or a mop.

DVDs of Pet Shop Boys
  And sweat shop toys with minor flaws.
Teddy bears with staring eyes.
  Instead of ears they've sterile gauze.

Basketballs and blow-up dolls.
  A train set with the wrong sized tracks.
Hats and rain coats and umbrellas.
  Cups and jugs and plates with cracks.

Foreign Santa stickers.
  Christmas crackers that explode.
A tiny Santa outfit
  On a glowing plastic toad.

And also on a Christmas theme
  A guillotine for turkeys that
Darren purchased from a man
  Who wore a Prussian army hat.

Scuba diving gear with holes
  And women's swimwear prone to tears.
Driving gloves with minor burns,
  And crutches for the teddy bears.

A parrot's cage, a pirate's hook.
  A china dog and two stuffed foxes.
Books on birds and tattered prints.
  Chess sets stored in cornflake boxes,

With bishops played by Yogi Bears
  And plastic Supermen for kings.
Used thumb tacks and tennis rackets
  With wool or thread instead of strings.

Heart-shaped lockets, almost gold,
  Inscribed with 'Brian' or 'Isobel'.
Computers left out in the rain.
  Fax machines and phones that fell.

He once acquired a severed head,
  And though it looked extremely real
The head was just a film prop.
  You'd only know that when you feel

The rubber skin, synthetic hair,
  And two blue eyeballs made of glass.
Darren put the head on sale
  With a hat and rubber ass.

But still he failed to sell the head.
  It made a lot of people scream
When they saw it in the van
  And later in a vivid dream.

Others loved this minor being,
  This harmless, armless, legless chap
Who looked serene and dignified
  Despite his body's gaping gap.

The ones who liked the head all lacked
  The cash to buy it, so it stayed
Unsold in Darren's van for months.
  The head's unmoving face displayed

A growing boredom with the van,
  So Darren often brought it out.
He made a film that starred the head.
  Food was put into its mouth.

The camera focussed on the head
  While it consumed Italian food.
The camera then panned down to show
  A scene that had a horror mood.

The food was dropping from the neck.
  It landed on the cold hard ground.
A little dog was there to eat
  The undigested meal he'd found.

Darren sold the DVDs
  Of the first short film he'd made.
It sold as well as Rush Hour 2,
  Or CDs like The Best of Slade.

That's why he made a proper film.
  The head would play a leading part.
He also used an old fake arm,
  A rabbit's foot and horse's heart.

His friends were glad to help him out,
  Some as actors, some as crew.
His brother always looked for ways
  To turn the film a shade of blue.

Late one night, near Halloween,
  They filmed within a fairy fort.
The fairies turned up unannounced.
  It soon became a fairy court.

Darren's brother wore a suit
  And shirt that went above his head.
The fake head rested up on top.
  The mouth and ears and nose all bled.

The head fell off and hit the ground.
  It landed with a frightening thud.
The fairies stared in disbelief
  As they were spattered with fake blood.

And then the body felt around.
  It found its head and put it back.
It terrified the fairy folk.
  It made them halt their planned attack.

They ran away without delay.
  Darren filmed the head's last kiss.
The movie proved to be a hit.
  It outsold Pride and Prejudice.