On sunny summer evenings
  You'll see Martin in the park
With his little robot duck
  Who can quack, meow and bark.

The duck likes milk and honey
  Even though he doesn't need them.
Martin has no choice
  But to buy the food and feed him.

Something has been hard-wired
  In its electronic head
To make it want some milk
  And some honey, but not bread.

But Martin's food's not wasted
  On his small robotic friend.
All the milk and honey
  Will come out the other end.

The robot duck releases them
  Into two plastic bowls
By opening two doors that block
  Two well-concealed steel holes.

Martin's always looking out
  For ways to save his money.
That's why he drinks the milk
  And he eats excreted honey.

He says they taste just fine,
  Though some think it's obscene.
He makes the duck drink water
  Just to keep the passage clean.

The robot duck has feathers
  But his two webbed feet have no toes.
He's got photographic eyes.
  He's always taking photos

Of Martin in the shower.
  This tendency is odd.
No one else would look at him
  Without clothes. Even God

Would wish he couldn't see all.
  The duck can look for hours.
But Martin doesn't mind because
  He hardly ever showers.

The robot duck had never
  Felt a need to go away
Till he met a duck from France
  Who wore a small beret.

Since then he's thought of travel
  But he's got a fear of flight.
He thinks all planes are drunk
  And that in the air they fight.

Martin can't trust pilots
  Since he saw one steal a flute,
And laugh just like a madman
  As he ran off with his loot.

So Martin and his duck
  Stay at home throughout the year.
Neither minds admitting
  They are grounded by their fear.

Martin's brother, Roger,
  Likes to travel far and wide.
His letters come with photos
  And they make a useful guide

To a strange, exotic jungle
  Or a small unstable state.
Martin and his duck
  Use these guides to help create

The atmosphere and ambience
  Of places Roger's been.
They use some props and costumes
  Just to help them set the scene.

So if you see them wearing
  Alpine hats that have a feather
And leather Lederhosen
  In the coldest winter weather,

Don't think the brains of Martin
  And his robot duck have gone.
It's only mental travel.
  Nothing funny's going on.