Stealing things is what I do.
I'll do it all day long.
It doesn't take all day, that's true.
I'll steal with a smile and a song.

I used to be an actor.
I've done an ad for beer.
One role was a factor
In changing my career.

I played the part of a thief
In a soap opera on TV,
Until he came to grief,
Killed by a shark in the sea.

It seemed like so much fun.
I killed a horse at the prom.
I robbed the bank with a sub machine gun,
And the corner shop with a bomb.

'In' I am now clued.
As a crook I'm going live.
This is how I pay for food
And the four-by-four in the drive.

Or I will do very soon.
I've just moved house to here.
I'll wait for the next new moon
Before starting my career.

My neighbours all seem fine.
My name is Joe but they don't know.
I asked their names; when they asked mine
I said my name was Joe.

Damn, why did I say that?
I meant to say 'Pierre'.
Or Jack or Jim or Bob or Matt,
Or a nickname like 'The Hare'.

I've already left behind a clue,
But at least they don't know I'm a crook,
Because when they asked me what I do
I...

Damn!