My pony doesn't like you.
  My pony thinks you're fat.
But the reason he dislikes you
  Is not to do with that.

My pony is upset because
  You laughed a bit too much
When he walked into a cactus.
  Since then he's used a crutch.

The crutch is just for sympathy.
  He holds it in his mouth.
He says he suffers dizzy spells,
  But that I really doubt.

My pony met Napoleon.
  Or so my pony claims,
Despite the fact he's dead and
  My pony's bad with names.

My pony says Napoleon
  Wore a funny hat.
And he wasn't all that small
  But he was very fat.

My pony went for walks
  With this Napoleonic fella.
By the sea they met a woman
  Who held a black umbrella.

She was looking for her purse.
  She lost it in the sand.
She asked them if they'd kindly lend
  A helping hoof or hand.

So they searched the sand with her,
  And they found twenty things.
All of them were green.
  Ten were wedding rings.

And one was eating paper.
  They left it where it was.
Napoleon said, "Why leave it?"
  My pony said, "Because."

They found her bright red purse.
  Her purse was very red.
They thought it would be green
  But it was red instead.

She took a whistle from it,
  Which she blew. They looked around.
People walked towards her,
  Attracted to the sound.

She said, "I always lose them.
  They wander everywhere.
They come back with sand in shoes
  And green things in their hair.

"Our bus will take us home now,
  A trip that takes two hours.
So we can write about our day
  Of research into flowers.

"We might still change our minds,
  And instead research tennis.
Wimbledon is weeks away,
  But we'll be stuck in Ennis."

She said goodbye and hoped they'd meet
  At some future date.
When they left, my pony said,
  "She was overweight."

My pony's slightly overweight.
  He's sensitive about it.
He says he's just big boned and brained.
  I'd never say I doubt it.