When Edwin was born he was wearing a smile
And a sweater he'd knitted to pass the time while
He waited with such bated breath till his birth.
He wanted to make a red tie and a shirt.

He grew up in Kerry and never felt worry.
Years drifted peacefully by, in no hurry.
He passed the time idling and dozing and chancing
Till winning his first Nobel prize for break dancing.

He spent his prize money on buying a choir
To be his alarm clock and warn him of fire.
Instead of a guard dog he used some race horses.
All these expenses soon drained his resources.

But soon after this he'd regained all his riches.
Gone were the long days of sleeping in ditches.
He wrote his life story, from living with rats
To making his fortune through drugging pet cats.

His memoirs inspired many copy-cat schemes.
Hopping cats turned into still balls of dreams.
Great moral outrage and lawsuits ensued.
Wherever he went he was heckled and booed.

He went off to Sweden and bought a house there.
He married a woman with long golden hair.
She'd made her money entirely from smiling.
The look in her eyes could be very beguiling.

But she hadn't smiled in a decade or more.
No feeling lit up the expression she wore.
They visited Canada, France and Nepal,
Recording warm memories they'll gladly recall.

They climbed a high mountain. They swam with a dolphin.
They also adopted an African orphan,
A middle-aged man who worked in accounts.
They bought him a dog, a Saint Bernard called 'Bounce'.

She still didn't smile. She said it's too soon.
So while they were waiting they went to the moon,
Where Elvis was living and loving the view,
Admiring the black and white things that said 'moo'

While flying above like a slow-moving plane.
He thought they were clouds bringing drops of white rain
That made the moon's surface so white in the sun,
Delighting the earth-bound when each day is done.

But sometimes the moo-ing clouds' rain could be yellow,
An unwelcome sight for the suit-wearing fellow.
The snow from those clouds was anything but white,
And barely enough for a good snowball fight.

When Edwin returned to the earth with his wife
He finally emerged from his cat-drugging strife.
He got a warm welcome in Kerry's green hills.
They asked him to use his invaluable skills

On dangerous cats held in feline straight jackets
(Whisper when near them or talk within brackets).
He gave them a potion that made the cats purr,
And they became lovable, warm balls of fur.

The cats would play ball or fetch Frisbees for hours.
Some of them danced and they played with wild flowers.
His wife loved to watch them. She finally smiled,
Delighting her husband and African child.