Stan: Hello Steve. Any news?
Did you see United lose?
The ref and linesman must be blind
To say the ball was not behind
The goal line in the second half.
Ronaldo's diving made me laugh.
I know that with an untrained eye
The untrained brain that plays 'I spy'
Might think it spies Elaine and me
K  I  S  S  I  N  G.
It's just plain wrong to think like this,
To see our actions as a kiss,
When it was much more innocent.
These thoughts are just a menace sent
By Satan when he wants to make
A hapless man and woman bake
In a form of earthly hell.
I sense a faint demonic smell.
This scene is not as it may seem.
I'd sooner trust a vivid dream.
There's a simple explanation
That won't require a presentation
Or a lecture to expound
A theory that may not be sound,
With textbooks by a mad professor,
Or written by my granny, bless her.
She thinks that she can talk to birds
With her peculiar made-up words.
The reason for the scene you saw
Will not contain a glaring flaw.
A two-year-old could understand
The urgent need to place my hand
On Elaine. You'll find this reason
Simpler than a change of season.

Elaine: It's all so simple, as you'll see.
What happened was I lost my key.
I went to Jane's house, just in case
I'd see the key ring at her place.
She cut some cake and made some tea
But then she had to go to see
Her aunt Annette who was attacked
By an angry hen that lacked
The manners of her fellow fowl.
The sound was not unlike a growl.
Then on my way to see Suzanne
I stopped to have a chat with Stan.
It could have been a tiny fly
But there was something in my eye.
And then it went into my mouth,
And Stan was trying to get it out.

Steve (in an aside):
How can I explain to her
That life's been like a haze or blur
Since we met, that day in spring?
How was I to know she'd bring
Such vivid colours to my garden?
She's my sunshine and she's starred in
Every day we've been together.
That spring she brought me summer weather.
How do I express my love
And say she's been sent from above,
And that since we last met I've missed her,
And I've done something with her sister,
Something that I now regret,
A feeling that will last till death.
We let our guards down for a second.
The comfort of her bedroom beckoned.
Passion overcame my mind.
Both of us were wholly blind
To all important consequences,
And to past and future tenses.
The present was a place where we
Were lost in fog. We could not see
Anything beyond each other,
And no one knows, except her brother.

Elaine: Who are you talking to?

Steve: Talking? No one. I don't know.
I was looking at that crow,
The one who's near the old phone booth.
He's eating crisps; he's found his loot,
Despite the dog just yards away,
The one who'd chase his tail all day.
He's happy going round and round.
Covering the same old ground.