He won't object when called a geek
But Simon says he's not a freak.
He once got drunk on chicken soup
And got sick in a chicken coop.

That's why he doesn't drink or smoke.
He can't take fizzy drinks like Coke,
But when he lost his spectacles
He took some blue detective pills

To make him think like Sherlock Holmes.
He found two missing garden gnomes.
He solved the mystery of the light
That travelled 'cross the moors at night.

And just before he went to bed
He found his glasses on his head.
It's only normal to expect
The pills would have some side-effect.

He spent four hours preparing food.
His dinner brought a glowing mood.
Potatoes, gravy, steak and peas,
Some cauliflower and grated cheese,

And carrots too, all lost beneath
A layer of icing, Simon's treat.
The food erased all woes and cares.
He went out hunting teddy bears.

In the woods they breed like rabbits.
These bears have taken on the habits
Of teens who drink too much and smoke
And break car windows as a joke.

Simon crept down forest paths,
Ignoring squirrels, birds and rats.
He saw a teddy's furry head.
Its patched-up face was filled with dread

When it saw Simon aim his gun.
It thought its teddy days were done.
But Simon saw the teddy's arm
Was in a sling. He couldn't harm

A poor defenceless creature who
Just needed love and thread and glue.
He walked away with peace of mind.
The bear attacked him from behind.

He was shocked by this attack.
He couldn't get it off his back.
He hit the bear with sticks and rolled
Around the ground to break the hold.

But still the bear clung on and bit
Simon's neck, despite being hit.
When they arrived in town that night
Teddy's grip was just as tight.

"Get it off," Simon shouted,
And all this time he never doubted
The presence of the teddy bear,
But no one else could see it there.

His memories are slightly blurred,
But every day since this occurred
He's had to say, "My brain's okay.
The pills made me behave that way."