Gavin found he felt quite bored
  With being dull and bland.
He loved traditional music
  So he started his own band.

With a flute he bought in Lidl
  And his best friend on guitar.
His brother played the fiddle,
  And Jimmy had a car.

They played in pubs at weekends.
  They impressed at every gig.
Sometimes they played to hundreds,
  Or two people and a pig.

They hired a female singer
  And acquired a new dimension.
Her voice brought songs to life.
  Her boyfriend just brought tension.

He went to all the gigs,
  Where could have drank or read,
But he tried to play the spoons
  To the music in his head.

And the music in his head
  Was always just one song:
'Back in Black' by AC/DC.
  Its hold on him was strong.

Despite his contribution
  They were doing very well.
They ignored his requests
  To play 'Highway to Hell'.

But it started to go wrong.
  Their audiences diminished.
They were outshone by a dog.
  It looked like they were finished.

The dog could sing a song.
  He wore a hat and shoes,
Which made him sound convincing,
  A despairing canine blues.

The band saw only darkness,
  But then a spark of light.
The singer and her boyfriend
  Parted company one night.

She overheard him chatting up
  A woman at a bar.
He said he's in the music biz.
  He'd help her be a star.

He told her that his ancestors
  Were Indians who fought
The cowboys in the West.
  Their ways, he'd been taught.

He neglected to inform her
  That he works in Burger King,
And the only man he fought
  Was just impersonating Sting.

The singer said she dearly hoped
  He'd take that road to hell,
And that Burger King or Indian ways
  Would make him feel unwell.

Her bandmates were delighted,
  And things got even better.
She filled the songs with swearing.
  People liked it, so they let her.

She swore instead of crying,
  Each F word like a tear.
She even made the singing dog
  Seem very insincere.

Things were looking up.
  The sun replaced the rain,
But her bandmates became worried
  When the swearing seemed to wane.

Over time she broke away
  From her ex's memory.
But she couldn't speak to swear
  When she saw him on TV.

He started his own band.
  For stardom he was bound.
He made young women faint
  And the critics loved the sound

For its innovative mix
  Of trad music with hard rock.
He appeared in magazines
  Wearing nothing but a sock.

Gavin's band were angry,
  But it didn't do them harm.
The singer's growing bitterness
  Added to her charm.

She drank a lot at gigs.
  There was venom in her swearing.
She gave those words more volume
  For anyone hard of hearing.

And once she drank so much
  That she got the words all wrong.
She rambled on regardless
  For the rest of that slow song.

She got a sudden shock
  When the song came to an end.
The crowd stood up and cheered
  At the band's near-perfect blend

Of modern lyrics with old music.
  Their simple song was bringing
Life to the tradition.
  She remembered she'd been singing

About Mary Poppins spitting
  At a poor defenceless cat,
Along with frequent swearing.
  There was little more than that.

The song became a hit,
  And they were all in fashion.
She continued with the swearing
  But it lacked the drink-fuelled passion.