Bill and Ted can bill and coo
To Sue and co, or softly say
What they intend tonight to do
On ending their Nintendo day.

After driving cars for hours
With their thumbs, or shooting things.
They'll acquire romantic powers,
Exuding charm that hums and sings.

Sue and all her friends will purr,
Or so Bill and Ted believe.
Sue's been known to only stir
When insects occupy her sleeve.

She folds her arms and stares ahead
In heavy rain or when it's dry.
Yesterday she only said
'I don't know' and 'no' and 'bye'.

Her best friend Jenny rarely stops
After she begins to speak.
She keeps on talking till she drops,
Which happens nearly every week.

Neither Bill nor Ted have said
A word or two to Ted or Bill
Since late last year when Bill's foot bled.
Ted said 'shoe' and Bill said 'ill'.

Neither knows if Sue or Jen
Would be a better bet for love.
And who would get to choose, and when,
If push came all the way to shove.

And shove gave way to trading blows,
Fighting over which one gets
The right to choose what neither knows.
They know as much when placing bets.

They both decide to take a chance,
And risk a very painful hit.
Let fate in its relentless dance
Decide which one they'll end up with.

They meet outside a corner shop.
A perfect walk and stop from Ted.
Bill walks with a limp and hop.
He hurt again the foot that bled.

Jenny asks about his limp.
He says he simply tripped and fell
While looking at a passing blimp.
He found himself half-way to hell.

He fell head-first into a hole
That should be in some other place.
When he falls he'll always roll,
But the shock of landing on his face

Slowed his brain's reaction time.
What to do remained in doubt.
His clothes were full of dirt and grime.
He hurt his foot while getting out.

Jenny has a lot to say
On hurting feet and what to do.
His foot is fate's peculiar way
Of saying 'She's the one for you'.

And Sue's the one for Ted, it seems.
She hasn't fainted, screamed or fled.
Fate and Bill's foot picked these teams,
A better method than Bill's head.

Sue and Ted both stand and stare.
The silence goes on much too long.
He'd like to ask about her hair.
He knows his questions would sound wrong.

'Can I touch your hair?' would be
A very bad ice-breaker, but
To Jenny's heart Bill's found a key
With 'Do you want to see my foot?'.

She sees his foot and nods at it.
She asks if she can touch it too.
Ted feels like he's being hit
By fate, and kicked a bit by Sue.

"Do you want to see my car?"
Is what he finally says to her.
"It's parked nearby, not too far.
From here you'd hear the engine purr."

She declines, applies the brakes.
His car is old and things fall off
On almost every trip he takes.
From here you'd hear the engine cough.

He gives the dice one final throw.
"Do you want to see my painting?"
I painted it a week ago
From an image in my brain thing."

"Paint?" she says with some surprise.
He says, "There isn't much to see.
It's little more than someone's eyes.
It's on a rock beneath a tree."

She thinks a while and says 'okay'.
He fights a sudden need to faint.
Ted had never heard her say
Any more than 'no' and 'paint'.

He takes her to the tree and rock,
Where insects in the shadows lurk,
Expecting her to laugh and mock
His only real artistic work.

The painting's mostly coloured dots.
He says, "The dots are eyes, I think.
They aren't bees or flies or moths.
It all goes blank when these eyes blink."

"Penguins," she says, and she points too
Towards Ted's attempt at art.
He says, "Yes, that's very true.
They're there at least in some small part."

Still her right hand's index finger
Remains extended, motionless.
An eerie silence seems to linger,
Returning Ted to fear and stress,

Followed by a sudden shock
When she screams and runs away.
He never dreamed his coloured rock
Could make her flee in twilight's grey.

Ted goes back to Bill and Jen.
He tells them all about Sue's pause
Before her run. He nods yes when
Jen asks if penguins were the cause.

She explains that Sue's afraid
Of penguins and their steady stare.
Sue insists a penguin played
On her soccer team last year.

The penguin was their final sub,
The glowing icing on their cake.
Opposing teams they often drub.
Add skill to work then lightly bake.

The icing is the insult that
They unveil before the end.
Sometimes it's just an ailing cat
On a 'get well' card they send

To their opponents on the field
Before the final whistle blows,
And hope their wounds will soon be healed,
And their recurring nightmare goes.

Near the end while nine-nil up
The penguin was supposed to play
In goal until they won the cup.
Between the posts he wouldn't stay.

He just ran after Sue instead.
A fireman had to rescue her.
"Bad doggie," the fireman said
To the penguin, who didn't stir.

He stared and there he stayed a while,
Without a frown or smile or grin.
Sue admired the penguin's style.
Black with white is always in.

But she feared his glaring gaze,
Suggesting thoughts of his attack,
And on the field the way he plays
Reminded her of their full-back,

Who brings an air of fear and menace.
Her tackles leave opponents lame.
She loves beating people at tennis,
Although she's never played the game.

Ted decides it's time to change
His artistic work on rock.
And though the altered eyes look strange
There's more surprise within Bill's sock.

Jen convinces Sue to see
The new and much improved creation,
Both penguin- and admission-free,
Despite expenses and inflation.

With caution Sue approaches now
The place from where she ran away.
The fading light will just allow
A view to make her point and say,

"Penguins," but without the fear
She had before, the time she fled.
"It looks to me like this one here
Is wearing glasses on his head."

Sue explains that recently
The penguin's had another role.
They used him as a referee.
The real ref fell into a hole.

They gave him glasses and a whistle,
And the authority of a constable,
In the sincere hope that this'll
Make him more responsible.

But with the glasses he kept looking
At his feet from where he sat.
The game went by without a booking.
Their full-back had a baseball bat.

Sue just stares ahead again.
Jenny talks to Bill about
A boat she once was briefly in
Before she and her friends fell out.

Ted can't think of what to say,
Except to talk about his hair.
He searches through it once a day.
He sometimes keeps his keys in there.