They met in a pub
  And they said their goodbyes
Before their 'hello's
  Or their smiles and their 'hi's.

It made things much quicker.
  It cut out the tears,
And the fights on the streets
  That everyone hears.

Marriage, betrayal,
  The stress of divorce
Are all set aside,
  And a mortgage, of course.

They missed out on meeting
  Their future in-laws,
Fearing that some would
  Have fangs and four paws.

She won't need to tell him
  About Uncle Alan
Who never wears socks
  And he drinks by the gallon.

Because his flies
  Are so often undone,
He's stopped wearing trousers
  And has much more fun.

She won't need to know
  About his family too,
His cousins' alternative
  Uses for glue.

She'll never find out
  About all that he's done,
The havoc ensuing
  His plans to have fun.

Like when he trained whippets
  To sit when he said
A word that he shouldn't
  Use outside his head.

The dogs obediently
  Sat when he said it.
And stayed until further advice,
  To their credit.

The dogs' owner stayed
  When she heard this command.
From her own head
  This word had been banned.

She looked on in horror.
  Her dogs looked at her.
Last Christmas they carried
  The gold and the myrrh

As part of a local
  Nativity play.
Along with a poodle
  They walked through the hay.

The poodle kept dropping
  The frankincense bucket.
A shepherd Dalmatian
  Eventually took it.

Her two household pets
  Were the stars of the show,
Like the star overhead
  Under tinsel and snow.

Their acting careers
  Were unfortunately over.
The wise men would be
  Uncouth terriers called Rover.

Knowing that word
  Might well make them wiser.
The absence of gifts
  Could make each one a miser.

But the Lord's company
  Was no place for two dogs
With a word in their heads
  That's more suited to blogs.

They learnt one more word.
  She got her own back.
Each time they hear 'Graham'
  They growl and attack.

He secretly hoped
  She'd agree to go out
For a meal or a drink,
  But because of his mouth

And its need to let out
  Certain words in his head,
From her front garden
  He recently fled.

Carol has also done
  Things she regrets.
She's fearless in dares
  And ambitious in bets.

There's a librarian
  She secretly likes,
Despite his love for
  The hills where he hikes.

He doesn't like noise
  And avoids alcohol.
He'd hide at the sight
  Of a fight or a brawl.

When he's in her presence
  His patience is tested.
Because of her efforts
  He once got arrested

For something he certainly
  Wouldn't have done:
Steal a policeman's
  Sandwich and run.

He was the one who
  Advised her against it.
Despite his advice
  She chanced it and hence it

Caused him to be
  In police custody.
She ran and she left him
  In their company.

Faced with the choice
  Of an easy arrest,
Or a chase through the streets
  And a pain in the chest,

They chose the course
  That was lacking in running,
Exhibiting noteworthy
  Planning and cunning.

He might have escaped.
  They've no way of knowing.
Just to be safe
  They stopped him from going.

He might not be great
  At evading arrest.
At avoiding poor Carol
  He's surely the best.

She's now given up
  On a future with him.
The chances of that
  Were always near slim.

And when she met Graham
  That night in the pub.
She saw a good chance
  That they'd form a small club.

And then start to hate
  The club's other member.
A marriage in May
  And divorce in December.

They saw what would happen.
  Affairs could be fun.
For efficiency's sake
  They left it undone.

Plans and thoughts
  Of revenge are unthunk.
It lets them get on with
  Their lives and get drunk.

But each of them still
  Sees a glimmer of hope,
A dream of being able
  To live and elope

With a man whose words
  Paint a beautiful view,
Or the woman whose dogs
  Only know one or two.