Joe discovered gold
  Near his caravan's rear window.
Eighteen carat gold,
  But he threw it in the bin, though.

That night he fell asleep
  And in his dream he found
That he'd been sleeping in a field
  On the soft and dew-filled ground,

In the shadow of a tree,
  And standing near him there
Was a woman dressed in white
  With glowing golden hair.

She led him to a stream,
  And in the water's flow
He saw so many days appear
  And sadly fade, and go.

Days gone by in history
  And future days as well,
Sad days yet to be,
  At the toll of time's great bell.

Falling from time's flow,
  And where we go is gone.
Before this fateful day we were,
  But now we're merely non.

Some happy days as well,
  In the sun with many friends,
Unknowing of what's yet to be,
  Or not to be when this life ends.

She said, "There's something you must see,"
  And led him by the hand
Through deserted hills and valleys
  Of a green and pleasant land.

And then they took the bus.
  She spoke about her feet.
One of them was hurting her.
  Of foot she's not so fleet.

And the other one looked funny.
  She asked him what he thought.
She spoke about her elbow,
  And his views she also sought.

They went to see a film
  About a little dog called Dime,
Who could read the minds of people
  And expose their thoughts of crime.

As long as he got water
  And was fed enough corned beef
He'd communicate through barking,
  Once for 'He's the thief'.

And twice for 'He's getting away
  Through those revolving doors'.
And though he didn't use it much,
  Three barks meant 'Up yours'.

She didn't really like the film.
  She thought it was too long,
And the characterisation of the dog
  Wasn't all that strong.

They then went to MacDonalds,
  And as they ate she spoke
About the car she bought
  And the mobile phone she broke.

He asked about this thing
  That she wanted him to see.
She looked up at the ceiling
  And she cursed her memory.

"It's completely slipped my mind," she said
  "I'd forget my eyes.
If they weren't always in my head
  To see and show surprise."

He said that if it mattered
  She'd remember what it is.
The most important memories
  Tend to spark and fizz.

"That's true," she said. "Let's assume
  The thing I had to show you
Was the river through the city,
  And though I barely know you

"I think that it's the sort of thing
  You'd likely like to see."
He said that anything with her
  Would absolutely be

A thing that would appeal to him.
  They walked towards the river.
And so began the romance
  That enabled him to give her

A gold engagement ring
  Which she wore with heartfelt pride.
That he found it in a bin,
  There was no need to confide.

This is when he woke and said,
  "I threw it in the bin!"
Those words were in subtitles
  With the bigger white word 'Fin'.

In French it would sound different
  And not pertain to fish.
It signifies that ending life
  Is this film's wish.

In the French one he'd go back to sleep,
  Returning to his dream.
In Hollywood there'd be no room
  For gazing in a stream.

In the Hollywood version he gets up
  And drives away at speed.
To narrow roads and corners,
  He doesn't pay much heed.

He gets his gun out at the dump,
  And hides behind a van.
He sees his gold being held
  By an evil foreign man.

After shots are fired
  There's a long protracted chase
That involves a helicopter
  To his foe's great mountain base.

Disguised as a waiter,
  He searches many floors.
He finds his gold and gets away
  Through three revolving doors.

He escapes amid explosions
  And fires that rage for hours.
He's merely slightly singed,
  And somehow he has flowers

For when he finds his gold-haired girl,
  And at the end they kiss.
There it ends, but in the French one
  They go much further than this.