Sometimes it rains and sometimes it snows.
Sometimes a stick that wears clothes can scare crows.
Rabbits and hobbits build houses in holes.
Mansions and sports cars are footballers' goals.

Fighters have wounds. Watches are wound.
Boxers will fight till they fall to the ground.
They see stars and birds, and circling sheep
That referees count and it puts them to sleep.

I've seen lots of films and read many books
That end with the capture of villains or crooks.
I won't say what happens when Bond has been bound
Or spoil the great tale of the Baskerville hound.

Decades ago, in Victorian times.
Holmes solved innumerable, baffling crimes.
But with her new Watson, a man called Tom Cruise,
She has little interest in following clues.

Fish-seeking seagulls will follow the trawlers.
Fight-seeking DJs attract angry callers.
Liars, tale-tellers, the weavers and spinners
Of fanciful stories are after free dinners,

Or trying to conceal stolen goods beneath coats,
Or seeking election and looking for votes.
They fear the near-future. They're destined to fade
Unless they're elected. For too long they've played

In their County Council's well-kept bouncy castle.
They need to move on, despite all the hassle.
They're heat-seeking, seat-taking missiles until
Their victory provides them with five years to kill.

Roses are red and violets are blue.
Cats will meow and people say 'moo'
When trying to speak in a bovine-like language.
Translated to English it means 'One beef sandwich'.

Don't play with fires to avoid being burnt.
These are a few of the things that I've learnt
Since I enrolled in the college of life,
A growing collage of enjoyment and strife,

Of great highs and lows, of struggle and ease,
Of good friends and foes, of fortune and fees.
Those who've attended the school of hard knocks,
Who've gained all their knowledge from meetings with rocks,

Announce their decision to withhold their backing
For this broad curriculum. They say that it's lacking
In practical value and down-to-earth views,
Though not in those words, but that's how I choose

To articulate what the hard-knock students say
In their unique inarticulate way
When they discuss their hard-knock theories with me.
In other words, they hit me.

Kevin is a moron -- that's something else I've learnt.