Jerry likes to emphasise
  The drama in his days.
Each and every day consists
  Of twenty-four short plays.

Some are seen in dreams
  Set in China, France or Bray.
They're full of stolen scenes
  From the plays of yesterday.

Some plays in dreams have meaning,
  Revealing deepest truths.
Some have shown him talking
  To giraffes in hats and boots.

In dreams he's made a million
  Just by phoning up a friend.
Despite their vivid drama
  They're forgotten when they end.

The plays performed in waking hours
  Will often lack excitement.
He's struggled to explain
  What the plays performed at night meant,

But at least they entertained him,
  Unlike the hours of morning
That should be screened by censors
  And come with a 'boredom' warning.

The minor office dramas
  Have been hammered by the critics
For being dull and boring,
  And evenings drinking Smithwicks

Get some very bad reviews
  That will use the word 'moronic'.
The dialogue might be about
  A man who is bionic

Who's playing Wonder Woman
  In a fun, non-contact sport.
Which one of them would win
  On an outdoor tennis court?

And would she have to grunt
  Like Maria Sharapova?
And would she be less wondrous
  If she drove a Vauxhall Nova?

He'd like to do a play
  Alone with Lucy on the stage.
He's got the perfect script
  Written on a mental page.

It needs a cast of two,
  And at the most he's one.
But stage fright overwhelms him.
  When she arrives he's none.

Occasionally a brand new play
  Will set the stage alight,
Reminding him of dramas
  That he's seen in dreams at night.

One such play began
  As he strolled along a street.
A swirling Autumn breeze
  Blew dead leaves around his feet.

He met a friend called Eileen
  Who was on her way to see
An almost-famous cheese,
  An enormous piece of brie.

The cheese was on display
  For a day or two at most
In the window of a shop.
  It was far too good for toast.

It required the finest wine
  And expensive formal clothes
Holding souls that are refined
  And an educated nose.

The only form of toast would be
  When people raise a glass
To celebrate a cheese
  That possesses much more class

Than all its fellow cheeses
  And most people who would eat it.
To use the words 'it's cheesy'
  Would be layers of hell beneath it.

He said he'd go there with her
  To appreciate the cheese.
Their excitement was reflected
  On the outside by the breeze.

They reached their destination.
  With four eyes set to 'wide',
They stood outside the window
  And beheld the cheese inside.

"It isn't all that big," he said,
  And she agreed with that.
"It might be big enough," she said,
  "To satisfy a cat.

"You could throw it at intruders
  With another piece of cheddar,
But they'd be much more bothered
  If you fought them with a feather."

They both felt disappointment
  But the feeling soon departed.
He told her that he'd heard about
  A shoe fair that had started

In an exhibition centre,
  So they went there just to see
A very large suede shoe
  That could well outshine the brie,

And thus provide a final act
  To this hour's two-act play,
An ending that would make the hour
  The highlight of the day.

That's exactly what the shoe did.
  It put the cheese in shade.
If someone's foot could fit it,
  It would make them feel afraid.

Eileen said, "I wonder why
  They didn't make a pair.
The left foot would be left out
  If there's only one to wear.

"It could be that the owner
  Of this brown suede shoe was tall,
A giant with just one leg.
  To talk to us he'd crawl."

Both of them felt satisfied
  With this latest hour.
An Autumn afternoon
  Had produced a spring-like flower.

But later someone told him
  Of a horse show taking place
In a field outside the town
  In advance of this year's race.

The largest Shetland Pony
  In the country was attending.
The sight of this celebrity
  Could be a better ending

Than the shoe he'd seen with Eileen.
  He went with her again
To see the cheese once more,
  To end Act One, and then

They went to see the pony,
  An alternative Act Two.
Both of them were happy
  With the specimen on view.

Eileen said, "He's big alright,
  Considering he's only
A Shetland Pony who must feel
  His life is very lonely.

"He'd be like a giant
  Whose presence would spread fear
Amongst the other ponies
  And he'd worry sheep and deer."

They both enjoyed this play
  More than any film or gig,
With the big cheese that was small
  And the pony that was big.

They also loved the hour
  Where the single suede shoe starred.
He'd put it on a par with plays
  Created by The Bard.