Andrew and Mabel were glad to leave home
And see the vast ocean beneath a blue dome.
They stayed in a guesthouse with views of the bay
And beautiful sunsets to finish the day.

They spent the weekend taking in the sea air,
Listening to seagulls and whistling 'La Mer',
Exploring the coastline on well-trodden paths,
And well-hidden arbours that hid sleeping cats.

In small seafront restaurants that served fresh seafood
They both felt at ease in the calm, relaxed mood.
They visited pubs for the view of the sea,
And a quick drink or two while they're there, maybe three.

In one of those pubs on a quiet afternoon
They looked at a single red birthday balloon
That seemed out of place in the maritime theme,
And would raise some questions if this were a dream.

A steam ship's barometer hung on the wall.
A glass case protected an old canon ball.
Fishing nets, rope, oars and flags from afar
Hung from a beam at the back of the bar.

The brass bell above the front door rang again.
A man stepped inside and he ordered a gin.
He walked with a limp as he went to a table.
This man started talking to Andrew and Mabel.

He said he had travelled across the great oceans
And felt the tumultuous wave of emotions
That seem to be stirred by a wild storm at sea.
The lightning highlighted a reason to be.

Thoughts of their grave gave a reason to live,
The one welcome gift The Grim Reaper can give.
He dreamt of becoming a Captain to gain
The heart of a lady, and part of her brain.

Her parents would never allow her to marry
A run-of-the-mill lowly seaman called Larry.
But he was determined to win their respect.
They looked up to leaders like Captains -- he checked.

He sighed and he said, "We're just play-things for gods.
They look down and see us as good lightning rods.
Just when your heart is a stove for love's fire it's
Right at this time you'll get captured by pirates.

"I spent the next year and a half in slave labour.
I missed having walls between me and my neighbour.
The bedroom held twenty. We didn't have beds,
Just Cantonese phonebooks to rest weary heads.

"I made my escape when I fought off a guard.
I left him bewildered and feathered and tarred.
My long journey home took a year to complete.
My shoes had worn down to the soles of my feet.

"With the frying pan gone, the fire of despair
Was waiting for me in the long golden hair
Of the woman I loved as she remained wrapped in
The muscular arms of a statuesque Captain.

"They'd just been married. I hurried away.
I set sail again on the very next day.
I didn't set foot in this place for five years.
I fought thieves and pirates and demons and fears.

"But when I returned a faint glimmer of hope
Lit mental scenes of the day I'd elope
With my true love. Her husband was dead,
Killed in a fight in a bar as he fled.

"I couldn't convince her to leave town with me.
She needed the blessing of her family.
They'd turned against sailors. Their son-in-law's death
Had given him manners that he'd never get

"From spending nights drinking with dangerous men
And women who'd bite off the head of a hen
As part of a well-known seduction technique.
They'd swallow the eyes but they'd spit out the beak.

"He became known as a great womaniser,
Which angered his wife. He came to despise her.
She hated him. She struggled to hide
The joy that she felt when she heard that he'd died.

"This is why I settled down on dry land.
I set up a factory where seafood was canned.
I built up my business and as the years passed
I earned the respect of her parents at last.

"I couldn't help thinking the future looked bright,
But sadly my factory burnt down one June night.
It wasn't insured, a fact that was noted
During her family's meeting. They voted

"To show their support for a man known as Dean
Who'd obviously failed to inherit the gene
That stops people falling in holes or down stairs
Or using a stick to disturb sleeping bears.

"But he would inherit his family's wealth.
Their fortune remained in good hands and good health.
Her family twisted her arm for so long
They made her head do what her heart knew was wrong.

"She married this man. I left here once more.
My home was the sea and a strange foreign shore.
Be wary of creatures who bite but don't bark.
I lost my left leg to the jaws of a shark.

"And so I came home. My true love I met.
Her husband was dead so there's hope for us yet.
He died when he fell from a roof where he'd been
To see if the raindrops would wash his suit clean.

"We're both middle-aged and I'm penniless, but
I'm trying to get back on my feet, or my foot.
I'll start my own business, and learn from the past,
And then I will marry my true love at last."

Mabel said this was a beautiful tale.
Andrew did not know sign language or Braille,
But he could read hints. He thought he could tell
That she meant 'Let's help him get out of his hell'.

He gave Larry two-hundred euros in cash
And straightaway thought that he'd done something rash.
Larry was shocked, and then filled with joy.
He seemed to be doing his best not to cry.

He said, "This investment will put me on track.
When you return you'll get twice as much back."
He shook Andrew's hand and he finished his drink.
He left with a smile and a nod and a wink.

Mabel said, "What you just did was so kind,
But I think you've been conned by a criminal mind.
The story he told was exactly the same
As the plot of a film. I've forgotten its name."

They looked out the window and saw Larry run.
He clearly was pleased with the job he had done.
Sometimes he skipped. The limping had gone.
He couldn't believe the success of his con.