What can you do when your brand new canoe
  Gets broken in two on the rocks,
When you're carried away and you're soaked by the spray,
  And the water gets through to your socks.

This happened to me and I thought it would be
  The end of my life on this earth.
My life flashed before me. Most of it bored me,
  Apart from the day of my birth,

And this day as well just before my death knell.
  The bits in between were all dull.
My best anecdote was about a blue boat
  And some sweets eaten by a seagull.

I still feared the end as I rounded a bend.
  The river was starting to slow.
Safety was gained and tranquillity reigned
  In the river's serene, gentle flow.

I found I could stand and I knew that dry land
  Would be under me and my feet.
My two feet were wet but I'd just cheated death.
  The end of its threat was a treat.

I felt overjoyed. I swore I'd avoid
  Sleep-walking through every minute.
A life full of highs was the glittering prize
  And I was determined to win it.

Routine was my foe but I just didn't know
  How I'd begin my attack.
Some people said I should dye my hair red
  And that I should dress all in black.

A friend said they're wrong -- I should grow my hair long,
  And sculpt it with gallons of gel.
My sister's advice was drink whiskey with ice,
  And eat fudge till I felt unwell.

My brother said no -- I should buy a crossbow
  And shoot at defenceless young trees,
Or swim with the sharks, go skating in parks,
  And grow a thick beard full of bees.

He said my new start could be taking up art.
  He thought I should try painting nudes,
Because art's fulfilling and frequently thrilling,
  As long as it's women, not dudes.

I dwelled on this thought but I knew that I sought
  Something I'd not done before.
Something exciting and fun would be my thing,
  Or life would remain a dull bore.

To know what you're doing when going canoeing
  Can only enhance the sport's thrills.
But it wasn't for me. I had started to see
  That unhindered ignorance kills.

I've found something new I can manage to do.
  It's wearing two stilts on my legs.
Many the fall has forced me to crawl
  Since I first extended my pegs.

But still I keep going. I'm seeing and knowing
  A brand new perspective on things.
My much-improved height gives the feeling of flight,
  As if I have sprouted two wings.

My eyes see much more on the faraway floor.
  I've found one or two inner truths.
Kittens look smaller now I've become taller.
  My new wooden feet are in boots.

I wipe them on mats. I love it when cats
  Sharpen their claws on my stilts.
I've had some mishaps. Some women collapse
  When I put on one of my kilts.

I look down on people. I'm like a church steeple
  When I wear my conical hat.
I feel six feet longer. I'm mentally stronger,
  But when I lie down I feel flat.

With consummate ease I have saved cats from trees.
  I've tucked a bird into it's bed.
A fireman called Dave used his ladders to save
  A cat who was stuck on my head.

Each hour of each day brings adventure my way.
  Boredom is lost to the past.
Whatever I do feels exciting and new.
  The river of time's flowing fast.