His parents decided to travel the seas.
Despite his repeated emotional pleas
They left him behind. Poor little Fred.
He had to live with his aunt, who was dead.

They didn't have much. To get pocket money
He trained twenty spiders to make their own honey.
He sold spider honey in marmalade jars.
He made enough money to buy chocolate bars.

But he needed more. He wanted to buy
A black Batman mask and a cape for his fly.
So he got a job he could do at weekends.
He sacrificed time he would spend with his friends.

He had to sweep carpets, cut lawns and wash dishes.
He took up his new post against his aunt's wishes,
But she couldn't stop him from taking this job.
His weekend employers were Martha and Bob,

A friendly old couple who lived in a house
Along with a dog and a quick-witted mouse.
The mouse wasn't welcome, but he wouldn't go.
He turned out to be an exceptional foe.

They left out a trap. They felt sure he'd sniff
The cheddar and its overpowering whiff.
The mouse extricated the cheddar with ease
And left a note saying 'IOU some cheese'.

Fred manufactured a trap of his own,
A small shoebox room with a miniature phone.
When the mouse answered the phone he could hear
A warm female mouse voice massaging his ear.

The mouse didn't notice that he had been trapped
Till he was set free. He'd have to adapt
To his new life in a house where a ghost
Loved to blow his runny nose on hot toast.

Fred made a fortune from his new invention.
His spending attracted the neighbours' attention.
He bought his aunt flowers and things made of gold.
She came close to forming a smile, so I'm told.

And he bought some gifts for his parents as well:
A carton of perfume without any smell,
Chocolates that tasted of parsnips and chives,
And porcelain cats who had lost many lives.