The keeper in the zoo
  Is a very nice man.
His name is Bill or Bob.
  Let's assume it's Stan.

People like to talk to him
  And he talks too.
He says, "My name is Frank
  And I'm a keeper in the zoo."

Stan's name isn't Frank.
  I'm fairly sure of that.
In the zoo, he looks after
  All the fish and a cat.

He keeps the cat away
  From the fish in the tanks.
People pay to see it
  But the cat is merely Manx.

He goes home to his wife
  For his dinner and his tea.
When she calls him Alan,
  Stan says, "Who is he?"

"He's just," she says and stops.
  And then she says, "He's you."
I'm fairly sure he's not.
  Stan is certain too.

"I'm Frank," he says, "I'm fairly sure.
  In fact I'm even certain."
He turns around to stop the cat
  Who's climbing up the curtain.

"I get this all day long at work,"
  Stan says to the cat,
Who leaves the living room and goes
  To sleep in Nora's hat.

Nora is Stan's lovely wife.
  He knows her name is Nora.
Other people know her as
  The woman who once wore a

Hat with something moving,
  But the cat has since killed that,
And then moved in himself,
  With a tiny welcome mat.

Stan says 'bye and leaves
  For his Amateur Dramatics.
He's glad to get away
  Before watching what the cat licks.

He finally finds some peace
  When he's appearing in a play.
People get his name wrong.
  They're supposed to. That's okay,

Because he's playing someone else,
  Someone who's not him.
His mind can be at rest
  When they call him Bess or Kim.

He stands on stage with confidence.
  All his lines, he knows.
He loves the lights and atmosphere,
  And wearing women's clothes.