Benny resides in a three-storey house
Along with a self-fearing ghost and his spouse.
Her name is Eileen. She's often outside,
Seeking the birds and wild creatures who hide.

Their life has its lies, its lows and its highs,
Its tears and its joys. She's drying her eyes
After her eyeballs got wet in the rain.
The smell from the house fuels her thought's latest train.

When her eyes are dry they confirm what her nose
Has said in alarmist olfactory prose.
The strong smell of burning from their kitchen means
That Benny is trying to cook more than beans.

The food's not on fire. He's burnt his cook book.
He no longer needs it. He learnt how to cook
A sugary cow on a cookery show.
Dessert will consist of a caramel crow.

He's cooking for eight but he doesn't know how
He's going to get the immovable cow
Into the oven. He's used cattle prods
And prayed to at least seventeen different gods.

Despite this the cow still refuses to budge.
The first course is mice who are coated in fudge.
They're inching away as he curses and swears
At his bovine main course who adds to his cares

By wearing a carefree expression and staring
Down at the mice and adoring their daring
As they are preparing to hide behind shelves
And celebrate freedom by licking themselves.

Eileen takes over the job he began.
She takes some time out to create a good plan
While he goes outside in the garden and plays
Croquet with the cats, with some rain delays.

Their dinner party goes better than planned.
Their guests eat so much they all struggle to stand.
None of those present are really sure how
They're able to play some croquet with the cow.