Edgar enjoys telling terrible jokes
And working to pull off a prank or a hoax.
No one will laugh at his humour but him.
At best he's offensive. At worst he is grim.

But he thinks he's blessed with a great comic flair.
Others feel cursed when he chooses to share
His jokes about wakes when the corpse lets out gas
And makes the priest faint at the funeral mass.

Because of his pranks his friend's dog is now blond,
And his cousin's bed is in his uncle's pond.
He's unpleasant medicine, maximum dose.
His family wish that he wasn't so close.

They'd like to be able to view him through Hubble.
Bursting his bubble would treble the trouble.
The practical jokes and the pranks that he plays
On his enemies will receive words of praise

From armchair commanders whose minds have been skewed
By make-believe wars representing a feud
Between them and family members who claim
That their wives have tarnished the family name.

It's best to pretend that you find Edgar funny,
That days on his planet are placid and sunny,
A great place where acid's not needed to get
As high as a kite or the mightiest jet.

People who cross him will soon get a pot
Of noxious revenge that is served piping hot.
Terry, his brother, once told him he had
A head full of hair that would suit someone mad.

Edgar's expression soon suited his hair.
Urges to shoot could be seen in his stare.
Purging a root would eradicate thorns.
Using brute force to get rid of it warns

All other plants and his chance-loving brothers
That he'll bring them bother and he knows their mothers.
He'd tell her when they're bad, and they'd rather be
Shot in the hair half of their heads for free,

And have heavy shot-putters stand on their foot,
And see their white T-shirts meet goth-friendly soot.
They'd laugh if the air half of their heads was shot.
It's frequently hit and they're laughing a lot.

Edgar's mad air half is proud of its hair.
Never suggest it will leave his head bare.
His brother's barbed words made him ponder a plan
To make Terry wonder should he leave his clan.

He didn't use guns he'd concealed in fake nuns
Who'd offer his brother a choice of iced buns.
He didn't rely on his mother to make
Terry feel terror and shudder and shake.

He got his revenge with his own sense of humour,
By steadfastly spreading the credible rumour
That Terry taught cats how to smoke cigarettes.
This angered the people who spoke to their pets.

Edgar's 'Plan B' was a punch in the face.
But Plan A worked well and events moved at pace.
Terry keeps laughing. You'll know from his glee
That dozens of people enacted Plan B.