On Daisy's birthday, Dermot's gift
Of frozen chicken caused a rift.
She said, "This gift is just as bad
As that umbrella for your Dad,

"And tins of peaches for your mother.
You bought paper for your brother.
At his party you annoyed me,
Always standing right beside me,

"Talking loudly all night long,
Gladly ruining every song.
No one there was sorry that you
Lost some brain when you said 'achoo'.

"The bits of brain were borne away
By tiny worker ants who may
Have kept the brain bits on their heads
While they were resting in their beds.

"They started to behave like you,
Getting drunk and using glue
To stick the feet of other ants
To the stems and leaves of plants.

"They told crude jokes about bad dates
When body parts get stuck in gates.
Only they themselves would laugh,
And they'd remain blind to this gaffe.

"Yet they'd point out each gaffe they saw
In other ants. The smallest flaw
Would be exposed to ridicule,
Which often was prolonged and cruel.

"These ants were loud. They talked a lot.
They smelled of sweat when it was hot.
They couldn't sing. They couldn't dance.
They looked down on most other ants.

"One was so devoid of tact
The other ants just had to act.
To show him just how much they hate him
They covered him in jam and ate him."

Some slight remorse was all she sought.
It looked like he was deep in thought.
He said, "I wonder where I put
That cheese I found stuck to my foot."